Limitless

As a teacher I am frequently met with the predictable and unpredictability of life. All the ills and blessings of society are presented to me in one way or another. Be it a child losing a parent too soon, or the undeniable sight of a hardened pupil trying to hold back a rare, genuine smile having been told something good about their self for once.

As a hardened person myself who is known for not smiling on the job, the funniest thing I’ve heard in my short career didn’t make me laugh. I’ve been called all kinds of things in my life, good and bad, to the point where I no longer ever feel the need to defend myself from any characterisation or bask in the happiness of recognition. So when I was called “white” by a pupil recently (not for the first time) I reacted in the same way I do to most things these days, I shrugged and carried on doing what I was doing.

A few hours after the event however, I was thinking about the statement and slipped into a day dream about the speech that I would give the class that the pupil belongs to. This is my speech:

“Let me tell you all something that I really hope one day you will understand, if you don’t understand it today. I am not proud to be black… Yes, you heard right. I hope the first thing that pops into your head when I say that is “Why not?” The reason I am not proud to be black is because with race and height and build and sexuality and facial hair and clothing and everything else people use to define you there are restrictions. As a black man I can’t speak intelligently or I’m branded as white. Whenever you break the mould there is something wrong with you. What is wrong with you is you stand out. I want to stand out. I want to break the mould. I don’t like being categorised. All the things people use to categorise you are used to limit your mind, they are used to limit who you can be. If a girl wears lot of make-up she is branded as stupid. Should I dumb myself down to seem blacker? If I should, should Obama do it too? Should you as pupils at school settle for your ‘expected grades’ or try to exceed them? I try to be as intelligent, fast, funny, or strong as I can be. Performing below your ability is easy. Fitting a category is easy, breaking free of them is the challenge life presents us with and I accept that challenge, I want to be limitless.”

Is that a coup I smell?

Could Rooney be angling for a change of ownership? I could be giving him too much intellectual credit, maybe it was set up by Ferguson or Gill. Either way there’s now pressure to spend or force the team into a rebuilding cycle.

The thing that shocked me most about the situation is the timing. Why would Rooney release his statement in October and risk not playing his beloved sport for three months before leaving in January?

A lot of United fans can’t help but feel jealous about their now debt-free arch-rivals Liverpool, who have successfully protested their way into new ownership. Rooney being a boyhood Everton fan and now Man United player must be one of the greenest Liverpool hatred around. Couple this with the riches at City and the now settled Chelsea squad and it’s no wonder Rooney is looking around at the form of the Manchester United squad and asking questions. Questions like where are the teammates that helped us to back to back Champions league Finals? Why didn’t we bid for Ozil, Villa or Di Maria? Why didn’t we steal Van der Vaart. Why didn’t our fan protest bring about change?

To which I would reply, why are you asking now?

I’m a fan

This is why…this is why I watch sports, this is why I follow teams and players. I can’t explain exactly how I feel right now. I can give you the back story, but if you didn’t understand before you wouldn’t now, but I can at least try.

It is 5.55am and I’m waiting on the Southbound platform at London Bridge for the first tube home and I haven’t felt this awake for a long time. My Los Angeles Lakers have just won their 16th Championship and it couldn’t have been a better story. Coming back from 3-2 down in the series, 11 points down the game to win by I don’t know how much, and I don’t care. We won.

WE won. I was there through every clanked 3 pointer, every missed free throw, every blocked shot, and every turnover. I curled up inside my shell, devoid of all confidence just like many of my teammates on the court. I too was trying to fight off the doubts that my mind threw up with every passing minute, but like the players on the court I never stopped believing. As cliched as it sounds, I always knew that as long as there was time on the clock and possessions to be played we could win (or indeed lose).

Thankfully we didn’t leave it to the last one before taking the lead for good, thus sparing me a nerve or two. In typical empathic fashion I felt driven by attaining the lead just as the rest of the team were. I watched the time tick down with them through every big 3, every steal, every defensive rotation, every dive and every lead extending free throw and when Magic Johnson said “we couldn’t have done it without the fans, this is your Championship” I said thank you, but we did it together.

We put our faith in them and on nights like this they pay us back 10 fold.

Losing My Balance

“You can be anything in this world that you want, except for my downfall” – Joe Budden

Recent events have caused me to reflect on the way I govern myself. Ive been thinking about everything from the way I think, the way I deal with things and the way I respond to my surroundings. At some point during my tenure at university I took to separating myself from things I don’t like and atthe same time trying to make the best of people, places an things. However in being faced with the challenge of teaching in a school with (serious) behaviour issues I’m stuck between a rock (my feelings to leave things I don’t like) and a hard place (my resilient ‘i will not lose’ attitude). Don’t get me wrong I am not even considering quitting, I probably couldn’t afford to but, days like today really test my resolve (and my patience and my professionalism and my self control…I could go on).

For the first time in years I had to counsel myself. I spent some of teenage years going out of a semi depressed state and had to change my perspective on people, friendships and life itself. Now I look at things far more positively, but today for a couple of hours I let the increasingly more negative thoughts plunge me into sadness. I wouldn’t admit it but the frog in my throat could not be ignored and with it the memories of my former mind state came flooding back. Some people say you never cure depression you just learn to see the signs and manage them. If so this was one of my first real tests and I passed (I told you I don’t lose). Also, if that is true, it won’t be the last.

I’m proud of my ability to self counsel because I understand how hard life is when you can’t and don’t know where to turn for help. Such thoughts remind me of why I am the way I am. Everyone deserves to have someone they can count on no matter what. I take pride in being that person.

On your marks

Poise in action

Hey World,

Take a good look at the picture (above).  If you’ve never been in that position before you might wonder what goes through a sprinter’s head at the start line. The answer is a lot. You think about the occasion, your surroundings, the last race, your block measurements, your shoes, the way your body feels, your game plan and finally your pre-race routine. This was my childhood/teenage or to put it succinctly, my past.

Once you hear the starter call ‘set!’, your mind becomes completely clear. That’s how I feel right now. Poised. I’ve never felt better. I can (almost) forget all that has passed and focus my energy on making my future the best it can be.  Watch me do it.

GO!

Protected: Family business – Daddy Issues

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password: